11:59
Coming soon…
His watch reads 11:54 pm and Ryan Star, sitting tall, wearing a black hoodie that covers his messy brown hair and a few days growth of a beard, sits in coach of yet another New York to Los Angeles red eye. The emergency lights are flashing as passengers around him are living their greatest fear. Crying and screaming are what he hears as he puts his headphones on to change the sounds to the soothing baritone voice of Leonard Cohen singing, “If It Be Your Will.”
He opens a leather bound journal where he writes his words. Pictures of New York City at night, mountains covered in snow, and a young pretty girl fall out. He passes through the pages of some of the songs from the album he has been working on for months and is about to wrap up. He glances at the last entry and the words are ringing in his head, repeating themselves like a mantra, uncertain if it will be possible to see the idea through.
“This could be the year, this could be the moment. You’ve been waiting your whole life to show the world the cards you’re holding.”
He puts the tooth-marked airline pen to his paper and starts to write on the last blank page.
“By the time you read this entry, you will know if these are my last words or not. Either way, I am writing as if they are. I have been waiting my whole life for this moment to come. Not the moment up here, thousands of feet above the earth, but this instant where I am on the verge of progress. I have been in training for it a long time. I started at 14 years old, playing weekly at CBGB’s with my band of brothers and took the show on the road. I performed in front of millions on an international television show and have recorded countless songs in studios, always trying to get closer to the passion that comes across in a live set in front of warm bodies. All of this—to bring me here and now. Sitting here shaking in the sky, I could say it was all a waste and that I should have done what all of my friends that I grew up with have. I would probably own a house in the suburbs by now and not be an “almost rock and roll cliché.” But then of course, I would not be here learning what I am right now.
As I write these words, I realize that I have not been training, I have been living. To think that it was all going to start when I finished the album with a big time producer and a giant record label is bullshit! That is not what music is. It is not what life is. I have heard it a million times, late at night on the self-help infomercials—“start living now.” I saw “Fight Club,” read “Brave New World,” and have always known that we are all high on “soma.” Not until now, in my last minute, do I get to really understand it all.
My name is Ryan Star. My whole life I have been getting ready for a moment that might never come. I never slowed down to understand who I really am or what life means to me beyond music and beyond performance. The lyrics I have written since I was a kid have all been trying to tell me what I am just realizing. Life is RIGHT NOW. We are in it already. Make every moment count.”
He kisses the journal and holds the pictures to his chest.
The clock reads 11:59
September 15th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
wow
September 15th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
Ryan,
Amazing words…. what can I say ~ You are amazing. That writing is beautiful, I can only imagine how wonderful the cd is. Hope all is good with you. I anxiously await the release. All of the best to you.
Living for today…
Alicia
September 15th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
Awesome man, bring on the album, the suspense is killing me
September 15th, 2008 at 9:22 pm
I can’t wait for the new album. Well, I guess I CAN, because I have been! But I don’t WANT to!!
September 15th, 2008 at 9:25 pm
WOW. That is BRILLIANT! I absolutely love it. I hope it’s in the albums booklet on the back of the cover…much like what is written for SFTEOAE.
September 15th, 2008 at 9:26 pm
Holy crap that was intense! All that went down in 5 minutes? what airline was that…remind me never to take it lol. It had me on the edge of my seat the whole time. I really liked the part about getting ready for a moment that might never come…because ill tell you, it happens to the best of us. I sometimes feel that even if we try to live for the right now, we always revert to our old ways and sometimes forget whats really important, the present, because we’re so preoccupied with whats being told to us and what life “should” be like, but thanx to your blog things are put into perspective once again.
September 15th, 2008 at 9:33 pm
my bad, it just hit me that that was one of the titles of new songs, and this excerpt is like a back story…pretty awesome!!
September 15th, 2008 at 9:51 pm
No day but today, Ryan. No day but today.
Why is it you have a propensity to make me cry?
September 15th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
Breathtaking! I know the wait will be well worth it! Soooo looking forward to the album and seeing you soon!
September 15th, 2008 at 10:58 pm
Those words could melt steel. You are a beautiful soul, and I feel priveleged that you share your intimate thoughts. It helps us remember, especially in this time of divisive politics, that we are all connected because we are all human. And that is enough.
Looking forward to what’s next,
Cassie
September 15th, 2008 at 11:10 pm
My heart was beating so fast reading this. All I can say is I feel you.
You just continually blow me away with the inner growth you are experiencing.
Amazing…
September 15th, 2008 at 11:14 pm
….breathtaking beautiful words, I wish I could write in English like you, but English is my second language ;o)
September 15th, 2008 at 11:49 pm
Hold onto what you have learned here, Ryan. As you learn, you also become a teacher to the rest of us. Through you, we are all learning to live right now, here, in the moment. There is no guarantee that there will be anymore than what we have. Thanks for that reminder…. The album is going to be fantastic, and not because of the big label or big producers or any of the big names you worked with. It is going to be great because it is you, your life, your heart, your soul. A work that will be cherished by all of us.
September 16th, 2008 at 12:59 am
WOW….YOU NEVER CEASE TO AMAZE ME. YOUR WORDS ARE LIKE DAGGERS TO MY HEART IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE. READING YOUR WORDS MAKES ME THINK OF MY OWN LIFE AND THE THINGS I HAVE YET TO ACCOMPLISH THAT I FEEL I SHOULD HAVE BY NOW IN MY YOUNG 22 YEARS (23 IN A WEEK). WHAT IS THE POINT OF LIVING IF WE DO NOT LIVE FOR OUR OWN HAPPINESS WITHOUT ATTEMPTING COMPETE WITH THE WORLD. DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY RYAN AS I SHALL STRIVE FOR IN MY OWN LIFE. YOUR CALLING IS MUSIC, AND I KNOW THIS CAUSE EVERYTIME I HEAR YOUR VOICE IT GIVES ME CHILLS AND MAKES ME FEEL MORE POWERFUL AND GREATFUL TO BE ALIVE……*LIVE FOR TODAY* CJ
September 16th, 2008 at 1:00 am
I am not going to pretend to know if that was autobiographical or fiction. But if it was autobiographical, I would be amazed to find that you are only recently learning the lesson that you have been teaching me for 2 years. It was the lesson I almost immediately received the first time in your presence (I gave you an elephant keyring) and each encouter since has reinforced the lesson. You can’t give me what you don’t already have, therefore you have always had it (or at least for the past 2 years!
xoxo
September 16th, 2008 at 1:00 am
I am glad you have found the secret,Ryan.Life is a freaking amazing journey,and most people don’t realize what a joy sharing their gifts with the world can be.I will be right here the day your new album comes out,because I love your talent,and your heart.
peace
kismet
September 16th, 2008 at 1:00 am
WOW MY COMMENT ABOVE WAS LEFT AT 12:59 IT SAYS BUT REALLY IT’S 10:59 IN CALI…WE ARE CONNECTED RYAN HAAHAA I’M KIDDING OVER AND OUT
September 16th, 2008 at 1:57 am
Turbulence is a godsend. I take it for the rollercoaster ride that it is. Sit back, relax and come what may. Do your thing. Swerve to life. Enjoy the clock, you never know when it will stop ticking on your watch.
regards,
Michelle
September 16th, 2008 at 6:58 am
thank you!
September 16th, 2008 at 7:17 am
Ryan, we’ve been waiting forever. I will cherish the new work along with all the music you’ve ever made going back to the Stage days. Who else has Stage on their IPod? Absolutely cannot wait. You are by far my favorite singer/songwriter of all time. Good luck, and God speed.
September 16th, 2008 at 7:24 am
Wow…I started reading, and then just couldn’t bring myself to stop…You are quite the writer Mr. Star. Now, your fans (including me of course) have been waiting long enough to hear your new cd…please tell us that it’s coming out soon! We need our “Ryan fix”!!
September 16th, 2008 at 7:49 am
Ryan, I have a feeling that you are on the verge of all your dreams coming true. I wish you much peace and happiness. Hopefully you will stay true to yourself.
September 16th, 2008 at 9:30 am
Mercy Ryan. I not sure if this was a true event taken place in your life, or just
something for us to think about. I do not believe i could be as calm as you.
I am sure i would be like the others on the plane, screaming and crying loud.
I have a huggie pillow i hold real tight when i get scared and you can borrow him
for your next flight if you want. No Boggy Men in my house, so he will keep you
safe. I live for today… It’s garbage day so i must get the garbage can to the curb,
or they will charge me and i keep the garbage. Yes i tend to look beyond today.
I can,t help it cause i just keep waiting for your new C D you know what i mean?
Giddy Up Sweet Thing. You have a realease date yet???? Just asking
no pressure.. LOL LOL Yo
September 16th, 2008 at 10:25 am
Amen, brother.
September 16th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
Wow Ryan, what a way to build up the suspense, I really hope the release date is coming up soon, I can not wait to hear new material from you!
September 16th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Very cool bit of writing. You are one of the few people I’ve ever met who knows who he is and what he is here to do. Even when you don’t know that you know. You know?
The anticipation is building! I really want to walk into a record store, buy your album, and tell everyone in the line with me that they need to turn around and go get a copy for themselves.
September 16th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
Greatness is just around the corner. I can feel it.
September 16th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
I love you. For the person you are and theTRUE musician you are. Thank you for LIVING your life and putting your music out. It inspires and helps more than words could ever express.
I am happy you have realized the lesson that you have already helped me learn. SO ORDINARY comes to mind.
I can’t wait to hear what is to come.
Be well
September 16th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
Sometimes when we are so focused on the destination we forget to enjoy the ride.
You’ve probably seen this before, but here it is anyway:
THE STATION
By Robert J. Hastings
TUCKED AWAY in our subconscious minds is an idyllic vision in which we see ourselves on a long journey that spans an entire continent. We’re traveling by train and, from the windows, we drink in the passing scenes of cars on nearby highways, of children waving at crossings, of cattle grazing in distant pastures, of smoke pouring from power plants, of row upon row upon row of cotton and corn and wheat, of flatlands and valleys, of city skylines and village halls.
But uppermost in our conscious minds is our final destination–for at a certain hour and on a given day, our train will finally pull into the Station with bells ringing, flags waving, and bands playing. And once that day comes, so many wonderful dreams will come true. So restlessly, we pace the aisles and count the miles, peering ahead, waiting, waiting, waiting for the Station.
“Yes, when we reach the Station, that will be it!” we promise ourselves. “When we’re eighteen. . . win that promotion. . . put the last kid through college. . . buy that 450SL Mercedes-Benz. . . have a nest egg for retirement!”
From that day on we will all live happily ever after.
Sooner or later, however, we must realize there is no Station in this life, no one earthly place to arrive at once and for all. The journey is the joy. The Station is an illusion–it constantly outdistances us. Yesterday’s a memory, tomorrow’s a dream. Yesterday belongs to a history, tomorrow belongs to God. Yesterday’s a fading sunset, tomorrow’s a faint sunrise. Only today is there light enough to love and live.
So, gently close the door on yesterday and throw the key away. It isn’t the burdens of today that drive men mad, but rather the regret over yesterday and the fear of tomorrow. Regret and fear are twin thieves who would rob us of today.
“Relish the moment” is a good motto, especially when coupled with Psalm 118:24, “This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.”
So stop pacing the aisles and counting the miles. Instead, swim more rivers, climb more mountains, kiss more babies, count more stars. Laugh more and cry less. Go barefoot oftener. Eat more ice cream. Ride more merry-go-rounds. Watch more sunsets. Life must be lived as we go along. The Station will come soon enough.
September 16th, 2008 at 7:11 pm
My pulse has quickened… beautiful.
September 16th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
“Poetry is just the evidence of life. If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash. ” - Leonard Cohen.
That was poetry Ryan. Cliche you will never be…bring on 12:00.
September 16th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
Dude…. speechless… well maybe not, but certainly tearfilled eyes. I literally cried while reading this. If I must say this it wil be now. I am looking forward to the album not just because I love your voice and you are lyrically a genious, but because I am curious to see what is behind 11:59, behind the moment that your life changes. To me that’s how I see it everyone is living their lives waiting on the edge of their seats and anticipating the moment their lives are going to change. 11:59, one minute before a brand new day begins. Pure genious! Live it well, and remember you wrote those words. Everytime you need a little reality check about life, filter through your journals to find those words of wisdom. Thank you for blessing us fans with another reminder of what life is and can be.
September 18th, 2008 at 5:34 am
Wow. That was totally moving. It takes a lot for someone’s words to really move me. If I could finding writings like this, so pure, so honest, so true, maybe I would read more. This is why I adore you Ryan. Your words, your passion, your honesty, it’s breathtaking. Can’t wait for the album and can’t wait for a show I can actually get to.
September 18th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
I think we all get so caught up in the day to day monotony of life and waiting for that life changing event to come our way that we forget that this moment is it. I find myself caught up in this circle over and over again. Another day passes and the changes I am hoping for still have not come. But that is a day, a moment, a time, I can never get back. So, there has to be a way to balance the rub between the dreams of tomorrow and living for today. You touched my soul when I saw you on the Rock Star show. For anyone who has had that moment with your music, I need say no more. For others who don’t get it, I’m sorry for them. I’ve been waiting since then to see and experience your music in person. I will keep waiting, but be sure you put Indianapolis on your tour stops. Thanks for the soul reaching music.
September 19th, 2008 at 9:44 pm
Wow! Thanks for that, Ryan … you’re awesome and I’m so glad you’re alright. Thanks for making us realize what a gift it is to be alive and to make the most out of it. Can’t wait for the new cd and the next stop in Montreal (hint, hint) … love you!
September 20th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
There are some people who make themselves into musicians and artists, and there are others who are born to be…I believe you were born to do what you do. There is an intensity and honesty in your voice and in your lyrics which makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Living in the United Kingdom I doubt I will have the chance to see you live but I look forward to your next release and the stories you will tell.
September 27th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
As usual your words take my breathe away. Your words are captivating and honesty is profound and that is one of the things I treasure about you. Thank you so much.
October 11th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
You are so right I have always realized that life is now, and now that I have a son I realize it even more time goes so fast dont waste anytime enjoy it to the fullest, I am so excited about the new music, but I have to say all of you music is fabulous, I so hope that you will make to St. Louis sometime I dont do alot of concerts but I would not miss yours.